I have experienced more in the past 48 hours than perhaps the entire week. At 4:30 am on Friday morning, my alarm went off and my feet haven't stopped until now (Saturday night at midnight).
I went to the CEO fellowship breakfast on Friday morning. I was so nervous/excited to be doing the announcements. I totally forgot to introduce myself! BUT I suppose on the bright side, the whole reason I signed up to do the announcements is to continue to practice my public speaking. I told dad this was the best place to practice because I am in front of a live, professional audience, but they are also my fellow believers. I know that I'm not being judged by them and I find peace in that.
Friday night we had a cookout and bonfire at 'his' parents house. Family and friends were in from out of town. In the process of lighting the bonfire, he managed to catch himself on fire. 2nd degree burns. 4 hours in the ER. Party = over. I was up all night because he was in pain and couldn't sleep. That is the true test of love.
Saturday morning, received a call from a prominent woman at a hospital in Nashville. Due to the blessing of having a contact that is high on the food chain at that hospital, I was blessed to receive a call from one of the administrators. During the conversation, I felt at ease. I was very honest in my answering of her questions, specifically when she asked me "when you lay down at night, what do you dream of doing?" I told her that I understand my gift to be people and compassion. I have the desire to help people...specifically families and children. I believe that I would be an incredible children's or non-profit hospital administrator (ultimately).
I was instructed, during my phone call, to contact a certain woman in HR on Monday morning to begin the application and interview process. Things are looking up. I feel very encouraged.
I haven't been diligent in my walk with GOD lately. It's really wearing on me. If nothing else, I NEED to attend church. I NEED to worship and spend time with GOD through music (I love worship music). I think that 'he' accepts this need I have, but doesn't understand it. This makes our relationship difficult. I'm praying for guidance and direction, but am unsure of what GOD wants me to do in this situation.
The LORD promises that he will never give us more than we can handle. I believe that. But I also believe that he might push us just shy of that breaking point. I believe that is where I am at right now. With so much going on, I just want to scream/cry/laugh.
I need him. I need to be closer to him. I need to worship him. I need to be better about showing my love for him. At the end of the day, he is all I have for sure.
Jobless but not Hopeless
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