I'm Clearly Not in Control

It has definitely been a power struggle. Me vs. GOD on who gets to 'run' my life. I obviously always lose that game, yet I still play.

Yesterday I was talking with my brother about jobs (as he is currently seeking a part-time job while in college). He made an interesting comment that he thought that he had wanted to work at Olive Garden. He had heard that the money was good, the people were cool, and that they had a steady crowd every night (which is key as a server). Then, when he went in to interview, the manager was quite rude to him. She basically told him that his availability didn't work with what they needed - which is fine- but she could have done it more tactfully. Then, he went to Logan's (which was originally his second choice) and had a great interviewing experience. My brother said that he was really surprised that his second choice quickly became his first choice.

In the same way, my job worked out like that. I was so stuck on "Vanderbilt" because of their name, I was failing to consider opportunities outside of Vanderbilt.

My brother and I were talking about how we clearly don't know what is best for us, GOD does. It was funny how what we thought was our 'best' choice was not because we didn't see the whole picture.


As I write this, my brother has just called me to let me know that he did get the job at Logan's! GOD is so good! I am so happy for him :) He deserves it so much.


Joyfully his.

My Rollercoaster: The ride doesn't end here.

Life is like a checklist to me. I think in lists. And I think with my eyes.

The minute I was offered a job yesterday (!) at my DREAM company, a new 'check' was placed on my list.

Get a job. Check.

But it doesn't end there. No. I am learning that life is a series of events, hurdles, conquests and the like. Searching for THE job (not A job) over the past 4 months has been about me getting to know myself better. When you have to answer questions in interviews like: "What is your greatest strength? What is your greatest weakness?" you begin to reflect on these things. I have been very deliberate about understanding who I am right now, so that I might improve that person for the future.

All of my goals (personal, financial, spiritual, etc.) can be reduced down to me making myself a better person. That's the ultimate goal, isn't it?

With that said, there will always be something on the list waiting to get 'checked off'. In a book I am currently reading - You, Inc. - the author used a fantastic metaphor. He said ' learn what it is that you are not good at. Then, like in weightlifting, work on that area to bring it up to par with the rest of you.' He said that we are always eager to use the 'muscles' that are the most toned, the most defined, and we fail to work on the ones that cause us the most initial pain. As a great advocate for personal fitness, that metaphor really hit home for me.

Work your 'muscles' today. ESPECIALLY the ones that hurt the most.

Humbly employed.

I'm batting a thousand

Ok, so the subject of this post is facetious. I'm actually sucking at life right now - well, parts of it. But I am learning that GOD's timing is perfect and my timing is laughable. I am humbled on a daily basis as I am constantly reminded that I shouldn't try to be in control of my life.

Ever see a car wreck and realize that if you would've left the store 5 seconds earlier, you would've been involved in that wreck? Or met someone years ago that 'randomly' resurfaced in your life recently? I don't believe in coincidence. I can't.

I was touched today by the YouTube video of Pastor Steve Berger's address to his congregation this past Sunday regarding the recent death of his 19-year old son. Instead of focus on their pain, he told the church that with death comes new life...his son was an organ donor and was able to give 5 (!) people life on Sunday when he passed away. Gosh.

If only we could anticipate the lives we would have the opportunity to touch on a hourly/daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis. I rarely understand GOD's plan. But when I get to see a glimpse of tragedy turned triumph I am so encouraged.

Ending my relationship with my boyfriend this past week was the hardest thing i've done in a long time. I know it was the right decision. That doesn't make it any easier. I know that I need some time for myself right now. I know that GOD is going to do some incredible things through me this year. This is my tragedy - love lost. I will be excited to report on triumph in the future.

Stay tuned. GOD is good.

Jobless, but not hopeless.

Coupons...how I love thee.

I like to think that I have always (since I started college) been frugal. Of course, that isn't the case. However, since I have graduated from college and have started thinking more 'economically', I am finding ways to save.

For instance, this past weekend was the tax free weekend. Josh needed some new clothes and I took a peek at things for myself. Luckily, I was in the mood to 'dig' through the piles of clothes crammed on the racks in hopes of finding a bargain. What I did manage to find was a bargain. At one store, I put a bunch of stuff on hold and raced home because I knew I had a coupon. I saved $20 off my $40 purchase and only spent $20...cha ching!

Crosby makes fun of me for clipping coupons out of the Sunday paper. I love grocery shopping and even more, I love using my coupons at the grocery. Today, I saved $10 at Kroger from clipping coupons. I found tons of items that were on sale and then I could use my coupon on top of that!

THEN I went to Target (the promised land). I L-O-V-E Target. I could write an entire blog entry on how much I love Target. At Target, I discovered the clearance rack in the food section. I bought a ton of food for $13! Geez. I wasn't even at Target to buy food, but hey, for $13 i'll take it!

I've come to realize that most stores (probably due to the economy and the store's need to turnover merchandise) have a clearance area. I have found some of the coolest stuff on clearance racks, things I didn't even know existed!

I am very grateful that I had a mother who taught me how to save money. In my mind, life skills are more important than anything you learn in school. If you don't know how to function (ie. save money, write a check, budget, etc.) then you have much bigger problems than simply getting a job. What are you going to do when you've got a job? How will you know how to negotiate your salary if you aren't aware of the cost of living?

My post today is dedicated to my parents. I thank them for everything I know; everything that makes me more independent. I am proud of myself when I am a savvy shopper.


Find joy in the little things.
Jobless but not hopeless.

Happy Wednesday!

I'm working on a marketing plan today. I took a few marketing classes in college, but have never been given the opportunity to apply them to something that truly might make or break a business. Pressure? Maybe. Am I up to the challenge? Of course!

My initial instinct was to google. I googled "life coach marketing" and found an incredible article that was just what I needed to job my brain (www.acoach4u.com)

SO, my current plan is this:
1. Define our vision. What is our ideal client? Who will benefit the most from our practice? What is our target market? What are their characteristics?
2. Create our elevator speech.
3. Strategy. What events will we participate in to help us get our name out there?
4. Implementation and Organization.

Any suggestions? Additions? I am all ears!

Jobless but not hopeless

And the weekend isn't over...

I have experienced more in the past 48 hours than perhaps the entire week. At 4:30 am on Friday morning, my alarm went off and my feet haven't stopped until now (Saturday night at midnight).

I went to the CEO fellowship breakfast on Friday morning. I was so nervous/excited to be doing the announcements. I totally forgot to introduce myself! BUT I suppose on the bright side, the whole reason I signed up to do the announcements is to continue to practice my public speaking. I told dad this was the best place to practice because I am in front of a live, professional audience, but they are also my fellow believers. I know that I'm not being judged by them and I find peace in that.

Friday night we had a cookout and bonfire at 'his' parents house. Family and friends were in from out of town. In the process of lighting the bonfire, he managed to catch himself on fire. 2nd degree burns. 4 hours in the ER. Party = over. I was up all night because he was in pain and couldn't sleep. That is the true test of love.

Saturday morning, received a call from a prominent woman at a hospital in Nashville. Due to the blessing of having a contact that is high on the food chain at that hospital, I was blessed to receive a call from one of the administrators. During the conversation, I felt at ease. I was very honest in my answering of her questions, specifically when she asked me "when you lay down at night, what do you dream of doing?" I told her that I understand my gift to be people and compassion. I have the desire to help people...specifically families and children. I believe that I would be an incredible children's or non-profit hospital administrator (ultimately).

I was instructed, during my phone call, to contact a certain woman in HR on Monday morning to begin the application and interview process. Things are looking up. I feel very encouraged.

I haven't been diligent in my walk with GOD lately. It's really wearing on me. If nothing else, I NEED to attend church. I NEED to worship and spend time with GOD through music (I love worship music). I think that 'he' accepts this need I have, but doesn't understand it. This makes our relationship difficult. I'm praying for guidance and direction, but am unsure of what GOD wants me to do in this situation.

The LORD promises that he will never give us more than we can handle. I believe that. But I also believe that he might push us just shy of that breaking point. I believe that is where I am at right now. With so much going on, I just want to scream/cry/laugh.

I need him. I need to be closer to him. I need to worship him. I need to be better about showing my love for him. At the end of the day, he is all I have for sure.


Jobless but not Hopeless

Another Let Down

I got an email today. From the recruiter of the company I interviewed with on Tuesday. She was very complimentary of me, but said that they had hired someone else instead. Evidently, there were some who had more knowledge of the position than I had. Fair enough. I think that this was my first real 'let down'. I really wanted to work for this company. I felt like I wasn't 'settling' on something if I was offered and took this job. I would be lying if I said I wasn't bummed. I know that GOD has something planned for me. That promise makes it easier, but doesn't erase the disappointment completely.

Today I have been working on my elevator speech. I realized yesterday, while working at the Book'Em community service fair at DELL, that I am really good at selling the things I believe in. I had my elevator speech down about 30 minutes into the fair. The only catch is that it is much harder to sell yourself than it is to sell an organization or a product (assuming you really believe in them). Today I am working on selling myself. I started reading "You, Inc." and it has really sparked my interest in preparing my elevator speech.

Tomorrow is another day.

Chin up.

Jobless but not Hopeless.

Wednesday

The interview was yesterday. It went really well. It broke my record for the longest interview I have ever been on...it was 2 hours long and I interviewed with 3 different people. Wow! My brain was fried afterwards, but I felt very informed and had a good grasp on the type of company it was. We'll see how it goes.

I feel like I have accomplished a lot this week. I am diligently working down my list of goals. On Monday night, I took a class at the Red Cross and received my CPR certification. That makes me eligible to take my Group Fitness Instructor certification. Also, I spoke with a representative regarding getting my HR certification. I will be taking that test in December. I also need to work on studying to take the GRE.

I know that my blog is supposed to be based on my job search. At some point, life happens and you stop (only for a moment) and think about something other than your next strategic career move, or what types of questions I might be asked at my next interview, or how I'm going to make rent next month. I'm not thinking about those things at all right now. All I can think about is a past friendship. I was contacted by Rachel today. It has been about 6 years since I last saw her face to face. She was my best friend for 5 years...the most important 5 years of school. The first day we met, she was wearing the COOLEST green and blue tennis shoes. That was what broke the ice - I knew that we could be friends because she didn't conform to everyone else...she was comfortable with herself.

Oh how I wish things could go back to the way they were. Or do I? I wish we could be friends, yes, but I know that if our friendship had continued throughout high school, I would have made a lot of different choices. In retrospect, it is evident that GOD knows what he's doing. I hope now that we can be friends again. The past is behind us. We have done a lot of growing up since our days in high school.

I never thought i'd say this, but i'm grateful for the way things have turned out. I'm glad that I am not in control of my own life. He is in control. And I want to keep it that way.

Jobless but Not Hopeless

Tuesday

So...my job interview starts in an hour. I felt like writing right now, but there wasn't anything particular that I wanted to say. My mind is always running. My thoughts at this very moment: Colorado for Christmas with my friends? Should I go back to school for my masters in teaching? What is Crosby doing right now? Where will I be a year from now? What am I going to do with my first paycheck?....and the madness never stops.

I'll be excited to no longer be poor. I'm not indigent or anything. I just miss being able to eat out whenever I want or shop at JCrew when they're having a big sale. I think this 'drought' has been good for me. I keep telling everyone, I have never had a 'NEED', but as a human my 'WANTS' are endless. I have definitely prioritized my spending over the summer. I became aware of the fact that the majority of my money is spent on gas and food (after rent and utilities). Craziness! This is a great opportunity for me to start cooking more and being more diligent about cutting coupons and looking at the sale ads. I love me a good bargain!

Off to the interview. ::Fingers crossed::

Jobless, but not hopeless.

Pitfalls before Perils

Wow! Do I have a story for you!

This all begins last friday...
Based on the book I have been reading and the advice from my father and acquaintances from networking, I gathered the courage to start making 'house calls' (going to visit companies that I wanted to work for). After being shut down at Vanderbilt first thing on Friday morning - which I wasn't really surprised because they are so large and don't have time to talk to everyone - I was a little bummed, but nothing that could squelch the fire under me. After leaving Vanderbilt, I went to Belmont and spoke with one of the Associate Dean of the School of Education. I have really thought a lot about wanting to teach for a few years and wanted to get more information about getting my Master's Degree in Teaching. After that I talked money with Belmont's Financial Aid :( Tragically, there aren't any substantial scholarships for graduate students, but the state will give 'future educators' a grant if you agree to teach in a HIGH NEED area for 4 years. Perfect! I only want to teach in a HIGH NEED/HIGH RISK area (metro). After that, I had lunch with my father at Taste of Russia in Cool Springs (fabulous!) and told him my decision to do both teaching and hospital administration. I was afraid that he might wring my neck, but he seemed rather calm. It was probably smart that I told him the news BEFORE the food came and he couldn't think completely straight. After lunch, I was all fired up again about my future and my job possibilities and making my mark on the world....I decided to go to another company (who shall remain nameless) to drop off a resume. When I arrived, I asked for the woman who was in charge of Recruitment. To my surprise, she agreed to see me. She met me in the main lobby (where there were a lot of people around). She seemed aggravated, so I wanted to give her my best elevator speech before I handed her my resume. I kept my chin high and a smile plastered on my face during my 2 minute speech. When I finished, she said "I am surprised to see you here" (in a negative tone) ::Pit in the stomach:::smile::::feeling flushed::: I said, "Yes ma'am, I have contacted you numerous times this week through various forms of media. I am glad that you remember my name." She said, "Yes, well, I just wanted you to know how rude I find it that you would contact me at my home." ::::flushed::puzzled::: I said, "Yes ma'am, well, that was the phone number on the posting. I was surprised myself to realize that I was reaching a home phone line." She rebuttled "I would NEVER give out my home phone number. You are out of line." :::should I run?stand my ground?ahh!::: "Well, I apologize for the inconvenience ma'am. I only called the number listed on the website. I promise that I didn't mean to upset you.".........and then she said a few other things about me being mistaken (and insinuating that I was a liar). I left with my tail between my legs, entered the car and burst into tears. I decided to go ahead home instead of going to any other companies because I felt so DEFEATED and TERRIBLE. It was her word against mine. On my way home (I had been gone from the company about 15 minutes), the lady that had made me so upset CALLED ME! AHH! I answered the phone and she said, " thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. you were absolutely right about my home phone number being on the posting. this was clearly a glitch with the company that posted this ad. you couldn't have known that this was a mistake." PHEW! and then she said, " I am going to review your resume and will call you if we feel that you are a good candidate to interview." I said "ok, thank you very much. I hope to speak with you soon."

FAST FORWARD TO TODAY...
She called me this morning to set up an interview. HA! God has a sense of humor.

Jobless, but not hopeless.