Dear God-
I pray that you will give me strength today. I pray that you will help me listen more than I speak. I pray that you will give me peace about the things I do not understand; the things I cannot explain.
My heart is heavy today. So much pain. So much anger. So much hurt. I heart because the man I love is broken. I hurt because I know that you are the only one who can help his pain go away.
I pray for Brian today. I do not understand why his life was short. and why mine continues.
I pray for those things that I do not understand. Why do good people die and bad people live? Why do children starve to death? Or grow up orphaned? Why is there evil and why do some despise good?
So many thoughts are swimming through my head. My stomach hurts. My heart aches. My eyes have run dry. I cannot cry anymore. I cannot scream. I struggle with wishing for the opposite of what is - knowing that your plan is perfect.
Today, I am broken.
Everything happens for a reason. I hope that someday that reason will be revealed.
I love you.
Caroline
11.01.2009
10.15.2009
Prayer
Dear God,
Thank you for a wonderful day. Thank you for waking my body up at 4:45am this morning. Thank you for giving me the confidence to carry myself throughout the many meetings I was in (and facilitated) today. Thank you for a family and a boyfriend that lift me up, not just when I am down.
I want to pray for my brother. Oh how I love him. Although I don't get to talk to him everyday, I think about him a million times a day. Everything he is, I am not and vice versa. We are the perfect brother and sister duo.
I pray for the decisions that I will make in the future. Decisions big and small. Good and Bad. Tough and Easy. I pray that I will listen more than I speak and not be too prideful to ask for help when I need it.
I pray that everyday I will be reminded that I am blessed. That I will delight in the 'small things.' That I will not grow tired of giving hugs or kisses. Or telling people I love them.
I pray that I will make my family and friends proud to know me each and everyday.
In HIS name I pray,
Amen.
Be Aware of Your Surroundings
As I get older, I have come to understand the importance of being aware of your surroundings- especially when it comes to people. When starting a new job, I was leery of who I should associate myself with. It didn't take long for me to realize the 'office stereotypes'. I hate to sound harsh, but there are some people that I would simply refuse to be seen with - simply because of their reputation or because of the way they carried their selves (and everything that implies).
Today, I am so grateful for having positive influences/people in my life. I don't know what I would do without people who love me and encourage me. My spirits are high this evening as I had a session with my life coach this afternoon and then dinner with my parents and boyfriend. I so cherish having wonderful people in my life.
Blessed.
9.09.2009
The Worst First Day EVER
Somtimes I feel that GOD likes to test me. I have no idea why. Sometimes I wonder if I passed or failed. Sometimes I wonder if the test was the situation or the outcome. I may never know....
My first day of work at my first BIG GIRL job was Tuesday, September 8th, 2009. A day that will live in infamy.
{In an effort to bring you up to speed, I'd like to start with a look at the days prior to my first day: The previous week, I worked a ton of hours at a 10-day catering event in Shelbyville. The hours were long. The work was hard. I was exhausted. SO, I came home and slept for 14 hours on Sunday when the event was over. Then, on Monday, I was outside all day (because it was the perfect day to be outside) and then had 2 margaritas at dinner. Now, I do not drink a lot but I do enjoy a drink on occasion. For instance, we had a drink most nights after catering all day last week. AND I failed to run for about a week because of our crazy schedule and my lack of sleep.}
Speeding up to my first day - I woke up at 5:30am. Drove to Granny White Park and proceeded to run 5 miles. I only made it 4 miles before I realized that I had to head home to get ready for work. I was super overheated as I drove home which never happens so I wrote it off. THEN, I get home, rush around like a chicken with my head cut off to get ready. Shower, Makeup, Hair, Ironing, Make lunch, Make breakfast, ahh! At 8:45 I was walking out the door for work and felt super queasy. I figured that my blood sugar was just low because I hadn't eaten anything yet that day. On my 4minute commute to work, I demolished a banana and an entire bottle of water. Blood sugar was good.
I get to work, meet up with the HR lady that will be showing me how to start my training modules. Thankfully, I had my own cubicle and was basically given the autonomy to start and break whenever I wanted to as long as I finished all of the online stuff by the end of the day. At about 9:30, my stomach was churning. Exorcist stuff. So, realizing what was about to happen, I sprinted to the OTHER SIDE of the floor I was on to the women's bathroom and proceeded to puke multiple times.
I felt better after a few minutes so I headed back to my desk. Then, like clockwork, at 10 it happened again. Ran to the bathroom, etc. etc. I spent about an hour total in the bathroom before 12noon on Tuesday. It was absolute insanity. I told myself that I wouldn't alert anyone unless I started puking blood (which i've never done) so basically I had decided that I wouldn't go home sick ON MY FIRST DAY. Go figure. After lunch, I felt much better. On the bright side: I set the bar really low on the first day. No matter how bad or stressful it gets, it'll probably never be that bad again.
Anyway, my official diagnosis is dehydration. I didn't drink nearly enough water and had been eating poorly for about a week. My body revolted. Shocker.
Needless to say, I learned my lesson.
Morale of the story: Junk food, alcohol and skipping breakfast are all TERRIBLE ideas when you're training for a half marathon.
Joyfully his.
My first day of work at my first BIG GIRL job was Tuesday, September 8th, 2009. A day that will live in infamy.
{In an effort to bring you up to speed, I'd like to start with a look at the days prior to my first day: The previous week, I worked a ton of hours at a 10-day catering event in Shelbyville. The hours were long. The work was hard. I was exhausted. SO, I came home and slept for 14 hours on Sunday when the event was over. Then, on Monday, I was outside all day (because it was the perfect day to be outside) and then had 2 margaritas at dinner. Now, I do not drink a lot but I do enjoy a drink on occasion. For instance, we had a drink most nights after catering all day last week. AND I failed to run for about a week because of our crazy schedule and my lack of sleep.}
Speeding up to my first day - I woke up at 5:30am. Drove to Granny White Park and proceeded to run 5 miles. I only made it 4 miles before I realized that I had to head home to get ready for work. I was super overheated as I drove home which never happens so I wrote it off. THEN, I get home, rush around like a chicken with my head cut off to get ready. Shower, Makeup, Hair, Ironing, Make lunch, Make breakfast, ahh! At 8:45 I was walking out the door for work and felt super queasy. I figured that my blood sugar was just low because I hadn't eaten anything yet that day. On my 4minute commute to work, I demolished a banana and an entire bottle of water. Blood sugar was good.
I get to work, meet up with the HR lady that will be showing me how to start my training modules. Thankfully, I had my own cubicle and was basically given the autonomy to start and break whenever I wanted to as long as I finished all of the online stuff by the end of the day. At about 9:30, my stomach was churning. Exorcist stuff. So, realizing what was about to happen, I sprinted to the OTHER SIDE of the floor I was on to the women's bathroom and proceeded to puke multiple times.
I felt better after a few minutes so I headed back to my desk. Then, like clockwork, at 10 it happened again. Ran to the bathroom, etc. etc. I spent about an hour total in the bathroom before 12noon on Tuesday. It was absolute insanity. I told myself that I wouldn't alert anyone unless I started puking blood (which i've never done) so basically I had decided that I wouldn't go home sick ON MY FIRST DAY. Go figure. After lunch, I felt much better. On the bright side: I set the bar really low on the first day. No matter how bad or stressful it gets, it'll probably never be that bad again.
Anyway, my official diagnosis is dehydration. I didn't drink nearly enough water and had been eating poorly for about a week. My body revolted. Shocker.
Needless to say, I learned my lesson.
Morale of the story: Junk food, alcohol and skipping breakfast are all TERRIBLE ideas when you're training for a half marathon.
Joyfully his.
Emotions Are Easy For Some
Emotions are easy. They are hard to harness - especially because most refuse to even try.
I genuinely struggle with those who think with their emotions. To me, work is work; business is business. Leave your crap at the door.
In an effort to not sound heartless, I understand that people have bad days. I get that. I understand that sometimes we feel so overwhelmed that we just explode. I get that, too. But I am also an advocate for staying in check with your emotions. If you are an emotion thinker, try to self-evaluate the next time you have a problem. Look at the facts before getting emotional. Pray. Meditate. Do whatever it takes to keep your mind clear.
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
You know who you are.
Joyfully his.
I genuinely struggle with those who think with their emotions. To me, work is work; business is business. Leave your crap at the door.
In an effort to not sound heartless, I understand that people have bad days. I get that. I understand that sometimes we feel so overwhelmed that we just explode. I get that, too. But I am also an advocate for staying in check with your emotions. If you are an emotion thinker, try to self-evaluate the next time you have a problem. Look at the facts before getting emotional. Pray. Meditate. Do whatever it takes to keep your mind clear.
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
You know who you are.
Joyfully his.
8.25.2009
I'm Clearly Not in Control
It has definitely been a power struggle. Me vs. GOD on who gets to 'run' my life. I obviously always lose that game, yet I still play.
Yesterday I was talking with my brother about jobs (as he is currently seeking a part-time job while in college). He made an interesting comment that he thought that he had wanted to work at Olive Garden. He had heard that the money was good, the people were cool, and that they had a steady crowd every night (which is key as a server). Then, when he went in to interview, the manager was quite rude to him. She basically told him that his availability didn't work with what they needed - which is fine- but she could have done it more tactfully. Then, he went to Logan's (which was originally his second choice) and had a great interviewing experience. My brother said that he was really surprised that his second choice quickly became his first choice.
In the same way, my job worked out like that. I was so stuck on "Vanderbilt" because of their name, I was failing to consider opportunities outside of Vanderbilt.
My brother and I were talking about how we clearly don't know what is best for us, GOD does. It was funny how what we thought was our 'best' choice was not because we didn't see the whole picture.
As I write this, my brother has just called me to let me know that he did get the job at Logan's! GOD is so good! I am so happy for him :) He deserves it so much.
Joyfully his.
Yesterday I was talking with my brother about jobs (as he is currently seeking a part-time job while in college). He made an interesting comment that he thought that he had wanted to work at Olive Garden. He had heard that the money was good, the people were cool, and that they had a steady crowd every night (which is key as a server). Then, when he went in to interview, the manager was quite rude to him. She basically told him that his availability didn't work with what they needed - which is fine- but she could have done it more tactfully. Then, he went to Logan's (which was originally his second choice) and had a great interviewing experience. My brother said that he was really surprised that his second choice quickly became his first choice.
In the same way, my job worked out like that. I was so stuck on "Vanderbilt" because of their name, I was failing to consider opportunities outside of Vanderbilt.
My brother and I were talking about how we clearly don't know what is best for us, GOD does. It was funny how what we thought was our 'best' choice was not because we didn't see the whole picture.
As I write this, my brother has just called me to let me know that he did get the job at Logan's! GOD is so good! I am so happy for him :) He deserves it so much.
Joyfully his.
8.20.2009
My Rollercoaster: The ride doesn't end here.
Life is like a checklist to me. I think in lists. And I think with my eyes.
The minute I was offered a job yesterday (!) at my DREAM company, a new 'check' was placed on my list.
Get a job. Check.
But it doesn't end there. No. I am learning that life is a series of events, hurdles, conquests and the like. Searching for THE job (not A job) over the past 4 months has been about me getting to know myself better. When you have to answer questions in interviews like: "What is your greatest strength? What is your greatest weakness?" you begin to reflect on these things. I have been very deliberate about understanding who I am right now, so that I might improve that person for the future.
All of my goals (personal, financial, spiritual, etc.) can be reduced down to me making myself a better person. That's the ultimate goal, isn't it?
With that said, there will always be something on the list waiting to get 'checked off'. In a book I am currently reading - You, Inc. - the author used a fantastic metaphor. He said ' learn what it is that you are not good at. Then, like in weightlifting, work on that area to bring it up to par with the rest of you.' He said that we are always eager to use the 'muscles' that are the most toned, the most defined, and we fail to work on the ones that cause us the most initial pain. As a great advocate for personal fitness, that metaphor really hit home for me.
Work your 'muscles' today. ESPECIALLY the ones that hurt the most.
Humbly employed.
The minute I was offered a job yesterday (!) at my DREAM company, a new 'check' was placed on my list.
Get a job. Check.
But it doesn't end there. No. I am learning that life is a series of events, hurdles, conquests and the like. Searching for THE job (not A job) over the past 4 months has been about me getting to know myself better. When you have to answer questions in interviews like: "What is your greatest strength? What is your greatest weakness?" you begin to reflect on these things. I have been very deliberate about understanding who I am right now, so that I might improve that person for the future.
All of my goals (personal, financial, spiritual, etc.) can be reduced down to me making myself a better person. That's the ultimate goal, isn't it?
With that said, there will always be something on the list waiting to get 'checked off'. In a book I am currently reading - You, Inc. - the author used a fantastic metaphor. He said ' learn what it is that you are not good at. Then, like in weightlifting, work on that area to bring it up to par with the rest of you.' He said that we are always eager to use the 'muscles' that are the most toned, the most defined, and we fail to work on the ones that cause us the most initial pain. As a great advocate for personal fitness, that metaphor really hit home for me.
Work your 'muscles' today. ESPECIALLY the ones that hurt the most.
Humbly employed.
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